Japanase 90s X-Men Opening

9 04 2014

Usually its the west screwing up anime openings but this really is terrible and misleading. The second one is a lot better already but the first almost hurts. Also I have no idea why they would cry to the moon.

Autism awareness day

3 04 2014

So there was an autism awareness day? You’d think t I would have been aware of that. Talk about misnaming things. Anyway that day was yesterday and people posted beautiful butterflies and such and some places on the web because that’s what people on the web do. Well fuck that. I get that there’s a minorities out there who need attention and lots of hugs but you know what? Autism doesn’t work like that. You don’t like us, we don’t like you. Fuck being normal.


Review: Robocop 2014

12 02 2014

Robocop_posterThe original Robocop is a classic for several reasons. Not only because the cyberpunk genre doesn’t have too many great frontrunners but also because it was a glorious parody of media violence and the massive power of cooperate culture’s influence on daily life. Now the problem that anyone who wants to make a remake of that has to face is that the cyberpunk genre is an outdated vision of the future and the main theme of the movie is no longer a relevant message. Of course one could still make a an orgy of violence like any other half decent action movie but can it still contain a message?

To my surprise the producers of the new Robocop rises to the occasion and manages a shift in its themes that is at the same time true to its roots and updated enough to be relevant. Instead of pure cooperate control it is about lobbyism, warfare for the sake of the arms industry and overzealous control and violence against the own populace. Even the owner evil cooperate goons have changed from classic goons in suit and ties to more colorful individuals that would be well at home heading a modern social media platform. So the new Robocop manages to do the impossible and have a theme that is relevant in modern times to dress up its robots and action. Nicely done.

Unfortunately that is all it is. Because this movie fails at the much more easy parts of being a good action movie and having a solid plot. The PG 13 rating certainly doesn’t do it any favors but one has to almost admire how they made the Robocop itself look more like a guy in a suit than the movie from the 80s. The pacing is all over the place, half the movie working towards introducing the character differently than the original only to switch back to the same thing at the last-minute, wasting some 30 minutes of mindnumbingly boring training.

Oh and he's black now. Because...they wanted to make Batman? I have no idea people.
Oh and he’s black now. Because…they wanted to make Batman? I got nothing.

That alone would condemn it to be hated since not entertaining your audience is still the major crime any movie can commit but for me personally their massive flaws in logic are much more painful.  The Robocop itself is an utterly useless machine clearly inferior to the pure robot versions already in use. They even say so themselves. Right before letting him defeat a few dozen because he has superior had and software. Which you know they could have built into the robots too. They really only make one of their machines weaker to make it more relatable to people. It’s a publicity stunt to make one of their highly effective war machines less dangerous.

The pure robotic version with no organic parts to weaken it and no consience to slow it down. They just don't build one with the same quality of hardware or it would beat the shit out of their star.

And of course like all remakes it tries so very hard to make the viewer belief it is smarter and more mature about than the original only to utterly fail in the end and show they didn’t understand shit about their subject matter. You can talk about dopamine levels in the brain and feed nutrients for the organic parts all day to make it look like you took care of the details but in the very end the original Robcop understood what it was about. The machine could not defeat its programming. The plot worked arround it, allowing Robocop to shoot the main villain after the programmed failsafe to prevent it was no longer in effect. The new Robocop simply does the same thing by overcoming the problem with his pure willpower. Because.. souls! Or something along those lines apparently are more important than a full system shutdown.

Oh yea we added a natural hand just so it looks even more like he's wearing a costume!

Oh yea we added a natural hand just so it looks even more like he’s wearing a costume!

While the mind’s ability to overcome problems is a classic theme this movie is absolutely the wrong place for this sort of thing and only serves to show that the writers were simply going through the motions, doing the same thing as always instead of really caring about their subject matter.

Now I could get into the fact that none of the actors really sold their part or how the current state of Detroit is so screwed up that even the old Robocop movie looks more like a documentary than a parody while the new one doesn’t even adress the issue but honestly the movie already is boring and stupid, does it even matter anymore?

Holy shit! The new Ed 209s look awesome. The sad truth is that it is still worth seeing this movie just to see some robots in action. Its not like we get a lot of that.
Holy shit! The new Ed 209s look awesome. The sad truth is that it is still worth seeing this movie just to see some robots in action. Its not like we get a lot of that.

How to reach EZTV at the moment

9 01 2014

EZTV can not be reached through their usual adress at the moment. Presumably their adress has been seized or some other crap. Anyway don’t let it stop you, the site can still be reached directly:

Raise the black flag and have it at folks!

Merry Christmas

24 12 2013

Its been another year and another bleak lack of posts. Oh well. There might be something new soon, we will see. In the meantime, happy hollydays and such!

Youtube comments, the bottom of the pit

28 11 2013

Youtube comments truly are the one place to look if you want to be convinced that most people are useless shits. The mix of stupidity and aggressive/rude behavior has always been stunning to me. Basically it’s what you get if you take the manners of old school internet trolls and mix them with the dead brains of the mostly “normal” people who flooded the internet. I’m not one of the people who reads them because they enjoy the horror of it, in much the same way I don’t watch gore movies but this is glorious:

Malificent the movie

14 11 2013

Disney has unveiled the first trailer for “Maleficent,”a new take on their  1959 classic “Sleeping Beauty” with Angelina Jolie starring as the iconic villainess from that movie.

“Maleficent” is produced by Joe Roth, directed by Robert Stromberg, and written by Linda Woolverton.

Between the grim and gritty fairytale movie like “Snowwhite and the Huntsmen” or “Hensel and Gretel: Witch Hunters” this film looks refreshingly vibrant and surreal. That it does so despite the clearly dark theme is mostly thanks to the orignal costume and the over-the-top cartoonish nighttime looks that look more at home in a cut scene from World of Warcraft than a fantasy movie but if any setting can take that sort of glowing fairytale look and make it work it is a Disney tale.

This teaser already looks good to me and that’s not only because Malificent was criminally underused in “Once Upon a Time”. No, in a world of movies that still underrepresented women in general both as heroes and villains it is flat-out amazing to see Disney go out and star this movie with the self-proclaimed mistress of all evil. Malificent may not only have the best villain name of all time, she also competes in a league of evil overlords usually reserved exclusively to men. And not just any men either. We’re talking the league of Sauron, the Emperor and Satan himself. Plus if you piss her off she turns into a dragon. It’s hard to argue with that.

Mentioning Satan of course opens up the real question. It takes a certain kind of bravery to make a trailer with an evil theme like that and yet stay cartoonish and surreal but it’s entirely another kind to confront oversensitive modern audiences with a villainess who summons “all the powers of hell

We’ll see if Disney dares to let Malificent go as far as she did 1959 ,in theaters May 30, 2014


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