Gotham, Arrow and the case of the evil lesbian ex-girlfriends

17 10 2014

Bashing on DC does sort of feel like stealing candy from a child. It is just too easy. On the other hand the child is a world-class asshole so it’s not like I have to feel bad about it. The screwed up relationship between DC and homosexuality is nothing new. I’ve even talked about it on this blog HERE, which is amazing considering I miss every other relevant topic ever. Then of course there was that whole Batwoman who can’t get married business. The only truly noteworthy thing about the whole “Training to be Batman’s wife” shirt issue recently was that it was just misogynist not homophobic. Well except if you put it into context with the Batwoman issue from before then it suddenly looks even more shitty because it could mean the actual Batwoman who’s not allowed to have a woman for a wife. If these people would do this on purpose I would be awed at just how well all their shittyness connects. Maybe they want to combine it all to form Shitron the giant robot and attack Marvel Headquarters with it?

I don’t want to talk about the comics though, I’ve found those unreadable ever since DC has basically started hating and deconstructing their own product which started about then I was born I think. This is about their TV shows Arrow and Gotham, both of which are ashamed of what they are too, or they’d be called Green Arrow and ..Batbrat? I’m not sure about the second one but I’m reasonably certain they could have come up with something a little more “Batman-ish” than a cop show. Still, to be fair I enjoy both of those shows. Much more than Agents of Shield since unlike that show they avoid the main crime entertainment can commit. Being boring. Yet, I remember how some story rally grated on my nerves in Arrow and I could finally nail it down then the same thing happened in Gotham and it’s just so appallingly ugly and no one has mentioned it yet.

The story in Arrow was the relationship between Black Canary and Rhaz Al Gul’s daughter. Since I’m about as deep as a puddle the first thing that bothered me was that they somehow made an afraid between the Black Canary and her assassin lover be as sexy as a dead fish, mostly by starting with a terrible choice for Canary herself and going with no chemistry at all from there. And to be honest that still amazes me. Especially then people worry that the planned Supergirl series is all about fanservice. I’m not sure these people would even know how to deliver that (weirdly for such a sexist company they are amazing at delivering fanservice for women because they did apparently figure out how to do every scene possible with their main character shirtless).But while that’s waste for me personally it’s not the part worth talking about. No, that would be the weird way a love between two female characters is portrayed here. You see our Black Canary in this case just wants to be with Oliver Queen, in a nice little straight relationship. But her evil lesbian lover can’t let go and even goes so far as to threaten her mother’s life to force her to come back to her. Admittedly this ex lover is a criminal and a killer.. just like her boyfriend. Still, we can accept that the League of Assassins are bad customers so there’s something here. This would just be a completely weird mess that makes no sense if Canary did hook up with her again in the end oh screw you, I’m not even going to try to make sense of this.

Let’s move to Gotham. In which the lover of our main character also had a past relationship with a woman (something she is clearly ashamed of because you know that’s WRONG!) who can’t let go and while she doesn’t go as far as taking family member hostage Montaya does try to discredit Barabara’s boyfriend and get him into jail. See the pattern here? Clearly DC has figured out that most lesbians are realy just confused and just want to be with nice guys but the few who really are into women prey on them and they are some evil psycho bitches who just can’t let go and will go to any length to force these poor girls to come back to them. They probably demand they renounce their savior Jesus Christ too. And play video games. The monsters! So currently the two main love interests in the DC shows are both either “cured”lesbians or bisexuals who finally made the “right” choice but their former lovers try to force them (in one case literally) to stay with them instead of being happy natural straight girls.

I’m a terrible judge but considering just how generic and boring Gordon looks she just had to be the better company.

Like everything DC does I don’t believe there really is a system behind this shit but the fact they can be so amazingly offensive without even noticing it says a ton about the people behind these shows and whoever checks what they produce under the DC name.

Let’s see if the Flash will also have a girlfriend who’s stalked by her female ex-lover who just won’t accept her life choices. I’m almost rooting for it just so it becomes obvious enough to blow up in the producer’s bigoted faces.





Cry harder

16 10 2014

The day I posted my last entry also just had to be the day I was shown this. I wonder if it’s trying to tell me something. Like “Rita hates you”. I dunno.

 





Pain

16 10 2014

This is whining. Pure and simple. I have no real right to complain, I belong to the one-third of humanity that is incredibly entitled and wealthy (and if you’re reading this its likely you do too. As a general hint if you have food anytime you want some you’re part of that group). I have friends who have worse conditions than me. I have family members who suffered deaths too horrible to think about. Right now I don’t care. I’m sick of being in constant pain. It’s not mindshattering unbearable plain. But it’s not weak either. Its “bearable” except its there all the time and the border of what is bearable seems to move sometimes. I’m sick of how hard it makes the most basic things, I’m sick of being looked at like I should just take better care of myself. I can’t fucking walk without constant pain. At this point it’s always there. Sometimes it keeps me from sleeping. I could deal with that. But the fact it gets worse with every step I take and yet somehow I’m supposed to do those because you know doing things is what gets you ahead is just too much for me right now. I’m just sick of it. And I’m just a bit angry at the people around me who don’t have it and think everything so soooo fucking easy. I wish they’d have to walk one day on my feet. Let’s see how much fun they think it is to just take the extra 200 yards to buy food on the way home then every step sends jolts of intense pain through the already constant throbbing that drives them mad. Stand in that stupid office meeting for 15 minutes. “just” exercise a bit more. Hell just sit through a whole day with the constant pain trying to concentrate on boring mundane things that just aren’t good enough to distract them from it. Lots of people have health issues but right now I’m just feeling selfish because I’m so sick of pain.

Here is a panda pic so you got at least something for reading this shit.





Goths, aerobics, pop, what the fuck is going on?

22 09 2014

This video looks like a weird drug induced fantasy of stuff from the 80s and 90s. It probably is. And it is awesome.





This is how I feel every single time I try not to pirate something

17 09 2014

“You must first enable Kinect functionality by logging into MSN via Facebook before continuing.”

“Thank you for logging in. To enable Kinect, you must be logged into Games For Windows Live”

“Thank you for logging in. You must activate your membership card, which is 60 a year for online play, and 50 for single play.”

“Thank you for activating your card, please take this time to update your account with your address, phone number, and last colonoscopy.”

“Thank you for updating your information. The service you are trying to use is not available in your country*.”

*(The last one will only be true if you live outside the US,  about 70% of the time if you’re Canadian and 95% in Europe)

 





Introverts unite!

13 09 2014

 





Bullshit Comics #1

1 09 2014

A guest entry by Liz Currie/Rainbow Avenger

(Spoilers for old comics, and a new one.)

Recently, a friend told me he had “Good news!” Midnighter is back in the comics. In someone else’s title, and he lost a fight to Nightwing, and there’s no Authority, oh and no Apollo. At this point I was sitting aghast, staring with horror at my screen and thinking “Please get to the good news, because this is tragic!”

The good news is it isn’t as bad as it sounds. The title is “Grayson” nos 1 & 2. Nightwing doesn’t defeat Midnighter. He bats Dick Nightwing (the former would be a better story: ed.) around a bit asking questions and just as Mids decides to end the interrogation by caving in his skull, he is rudely propelled a mile out of panel by an explosion, whereupon Dick pulls a Sir Robin and bravely runs away, away.

This was a lucky break for Bird Boy, because in 2008’s Wildstorm/DCU crossover series DreamWar, Batman was supposed to have an epic fight with Midnighter; one that ended in an honourable draw that satisfied both sets of fans. According to the editors (via Newsarama) It never happened because a room full of writers spent hours plotting out that fight and couldn’t find a single plausible scenario where Midnighter didn’t beat the crap out of him. It just wasn’t an equal match-up. So Batman fought Zealot instead – and lost.

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So no, Midnighter isn’t going to lose a fight to the sidekick. He could thrash Dick Grayson without stopping to let Apollo pull out. (That scene has been written because fangirls are perverts.)

The bad news is that DC Comics – the kings of chronic masturbatory world wankery – have done it again. Midnighter is alone. DC’s ever shrinking Authority roadshow has been shedding members with every reboot. The last one had already been reduced to “Midnighter and Friends” and I had a pretty good, cynical and it seems accurate feeling that the next iteration would be a solo act. This is bullshit.

Toward the end of the Authority’s Morrison run, Midnight left Apollo. He broke it off without saying goodbye because Reasons that involved time-travel, protecting the future for the sake of his friends and other motivations usually beyond the grasp of high-functioning psychopaths. He spent five years hiding in Russia, drinking too much and being utterly miserable.

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All a trick of course. When Midnighter finally figured out that one bastard had stolen five years of his married life, he responded by performing a trick that Dick Grayson didn’t learn in the circus, and ripped the guy’s spine out in a panel so iconically 90’s in its’ glorification of gratuitous violence that Rob Liefield probably orgasmed at the thought of plagiarising it. And then he swore to never leave again.

So no, Midnighter doesn’t just walk away from his family anymore. Ignoring that vow is bad writing. It’s ignorant and disrespectful of internal consistency. Wiping his family from existence exhibits callous disregard for the characters and their world. This also breaks my flinty heart because Apollo and Midnighter aren’t just the nicest gay married couple in the DCU, they’re the nicest married couple, period. Ralph and Sue Dibny came close, and look what DC did to them. The only couple who could be cuter are Booster Gold and Blue Beetle, but that marriage only exists on LiveJournal.

Apollo is also the longest-suffering Man in a Refrigerator in comics, but that’s another rant.

Someone is going to point out that all of this continuity was a reboot or two ago and doesn’t count. Actually (depending on the definition of the term) it’s four, possibly five reboots ago, but it doesn’t matter because ignoring character meta-evolution is bullshit. Rewinding characters through the same crises over and over like the one good track on an 80s mixed tape is also bullshit. That’s not character development, it’s prostitution.

“But I buy it because he’s a gay character!”

Wrong.

The time has passed when you buy a comic just because it has fill-in-the-blank minority character. If the protagonist of “Cookie Grrls” is an empty-headed, giggling Stepford wife in an apron you don’t sigh and buy the book anyway because it features a woman. If the hero of “Captain Rastus” is a grotesque, frizzled-haired golliwog flinging magical watermelons you don’t roll your eyes and slap a tenner on the counter anyway because the star is African-American. You tell the publisher “This is bullshit.” We’ve moved past that. So let’s stop flinging good money after bad titles to reward exploitation. Don’t buy the comic because it has a gay/black/female character; buy it because it has a GOOD character.

This is DC. This is the imprint that made Batwoman a lesbian, then barred her from marrying her girlfriend. These are the people that announced a gay Green Lantern, then retconned a minor Earth-2 Lantern that no one gave a shit about and then killed his fiancé in issue one. They like to pantomime the appearance of inclusivity on social media, ensure that their G/L character’s sexual orientation is tragic or irrelevent by depicting them as sexless, celibate, emasculated and alone. They’re going to keep raping their own characters as long as people keep paying to read it.

So stop paying for it. Really, it’s bullshit.

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