Today in”Experts”: Mac-fanboys and the web

18 08 2010

by AngryPanda

I think “Experts is going to become a series since I really think people who are called that usually can’t tell the difference between their butt and the sun. Today’s sample would be an unholy fusion of so-called internet experts and macintosh fanboys. In case you are hoping for it, this is not about bashing mac-users in general. They might get caught in the crossfire a few times though so you got that going for you. The article I’m going to pick apart is called:

The Web Is Dead. Long Live the Internet

Click on the link and enjoy it in all of its diarrhea-inducing glory. For your sake I hope you don’t actually read the thing but I might have mentioned this before the link. Oh well… . In case you think I’ll just quote the parts that help me make my point and that I won’t be fair to the article you are absolutely right. You can read it and form your own opinion but believe me, fairness is not worth the pain. Basically what they are saying is that the internet as we know it is dead (I agree and I’m looking at you Facebook…) because apparently everyone is using Apps instead of browsers. Don’t ask me, it didn’t make sense to me either. But let’s try to pick it apart anyway. They try to make their point with the opening statement which reads like this:

How to dress Mac

“Two decades after its birth, the World Wide Web is in decline, as simpler, sleeker services — think apps — are less about the searching and more about the getting. Chris Anderson explains how this new paradigm reflects the inevitable course of capitalism. And Michael Wolff explains why the new breed of media titan is forsaking the Web for more promising (and profitable) pastures.”

If you go on reading this you will quickly realize that with “less about search and more about results” they mean that browsers and google are a bother and that paying for stuff that used to be freeware (read: apps) is awesome. It also only makes sense if everyone owns an iPad but we’ll get to that. The new paradigms seem to be “I really think that’s how it should be! Also I don’t know what a browser does.” But don’t take my word for it, let’s head straight to the opening fluff:

“You wake up and check your email on your bedside iPad — that’s one app. During breakfast you browse Facebook, Twitter, and The New York Times — three more apps. On the way to the office, you listen to a podcast on your smartphone. Another app. At work, you scroll through RSS feeds in a reader and have Skype and IM conversations. More apps. At the end of the day, you come home, make dinner while listening to Pandora, play some games on Xbox Live, and watch a movie on Netflix’s streaming service.

You’ve spent the day on the Internet — but not on the Web. And you are not alone.”

I could take this one apart piece by piece. So I will… . That also means you have to read parts of this mental kick in the balls twice but I’m a sadist so I can live with that. Let’s roll:

“You wake up and check your email on your bedside iPad ” This may be hard news for you Macboy but 90% of mentally stable humanity do not own a 500 hundred buck iPhone that can double as a coffee-tray. Especially considering its abysmal hardware performance. There’s still such a thing as netbooks in this price range and I think the competing tablets will take their share of the market too. You might even get up and use your normal notebook or desktop to do this. None of these options use “apps”. Meaning all of them let you check your mails for free.

“During breakfast you browse Facebook, Twitter, and The New York Times — three more apps” As of now I’m almost lost for words. This guy is proposing that HTML is dying. Of course you could use apps for this but every other piece of hardware other than the one that he proposed will still access these sites with a webbrowser in the classic way. Facebook is still a website. Shocking I know. Bear in mind that this is supposed to be an example how the “normal” internet use is dying out. I’m not sure how visiting three websites would show that but I guess it does if you do it backwards and use that very specific Apple toy. You could of course be using a MacBook in which case you’d do it with a browser like everyone else. But I guess those don’t even count any more.

On the way to the office, you listen to a podcast on your smartphone. Another app.” Well I give you this one. This is clearly not classical internet use. Unlike 20 years ago then we listened to our Walkman which was… wait no.. . This is basically just one more new use of the net. It’s not using the old principle less, it’s using the web in general more. And yeah I guess if you use an iPhone (I’m seriously surprised he wrote smartphone since he probably would turn into a fish and then explode if he used anything not pulled out of Steve Job’s butt) you would have to pay for some “app” to do that. Or you could be using Windows Mobile, or Android or any of the other systems which most likely will let you do this with something we people outside the Macverse simply call a program, software or yes sometimes an application.

“At work, you scroll through RSS feeds in a reader and have Skype and IM conversations. More apps.” I’m somewhat surprised he doesn’t list “getting coffee” as more proof that web-browsers aren’t used any more. I happen to work in a rather large office and folks here read their favorite news site and blogs in the morning. That’s very web 2.0 but also very much browser-based HTML. And yes Skype is used a lot. Just like you know ICQ and MSN waaaay back in the 90s. I’m not sure what sort of change he is seeing here. By this point I’m starting to be convinced that he uses the new hip macword “apps” for software in general. But trying to sell an instant messenger as a major change in the web is really impressive. What’s the next newsflash? Child molesting in catholic churches?

“Come home, make dinner while listening to Pandora, play some games on Xbox Live, and watch a movie on Netflix’s streaming service.” And the radically new thing here seems to mostly be that consoles are hooked up to the net too now and that you can listen to webradio. Which unlike listening to normal radio like before this was possible somehow makes classic web use less important how? Maybe you come home and instead play World of Warcraft (rumor says some people do), post on the forums, tell them they got their brains eaten by maggots for even thinking of LiveID, go to your Guilds’s site on and check raids for this week. Oh yeah and maybe while you do all that you listen to your favorite webradio station (which of course is Radio FTW) and just do so in your browser. Yeah, no html here. Don’t see it.

A bit far from the ground are we?

I have to admit I’m impressed. That was so much garbage before the article even really begins. But on the bright side it is very fair towards the reader. By showing how completely biased and one-sided their views are they pretty much already warn you that their analysis is either fan work or publicity with an agenda right from the start.  The article then basically goes on stating the obvious (people use stuff like FTP, file- sharing and *gaps* instant messengers) but insists that instead of browsers it’s all done by apps now. I’m sure he is right within the tiny demographic of iPhone/Pad droid army but even so that is only a tiny fraction of the total users. The one truth that this thing does not get tired of repeating is that businesses like this (imagined) trend. Of course they bloody would! People stop using free web access and instead use convulsed and expensive alternatives provided by them? What’s not to love. If you need another example I think the best one is hidden in here:

You get one guess at what their agenda is here.

I’m not exactly sure why changes from HTML to XML should mean anything except for programmers themselves but I absolutely love how they aassume that Browsers have been replaced by Apps already based on themselves using iPads. If that article were a physical act it would be a blowjob for Steve jobs. Their argument about HTML only making a quarter of the traffic should be inherently invalid for anyone who didn’t replace their brain with a wet donut. Of course it is. I use the web all day but the total traffic could not compete with the file sharing download of a single episode of Castle (I love that show). The amount of data and the time spend with it are not connected. This whole article reeks of the wet dreams of a fanboy who just absolutely wants the world to change in the way their favorite company would like to see it. I seriously hope these guys are at least on payroll. I can respect whores. But not suckups.

Continued HERE!




6 responses

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