The original space marine

23 08 2010

by AngryPanda

If you subtract style, story and tits you get the Master Chief.

Heavily armored dudes with high-tech guns who shoot aliens have been (rightly) blamed for the sort of greyish brown swamp of boredom that masquerades as different games these days (and even those were still better than the real military shooters). But I think it is time to say that it is not the setting that is at fault. On the contrary. I saw the Halo Reach trailer today and it was a patchwork of clichés held together by testosterone and about as creative as the coffee I forgot on my desk six hours ago. But at the same time you get to see this:

For those of you flailing and drooling over your Xbox-Controller, that is Samus Aran the first video game hero to run around in powered armor and fight aliens with all sorts of energy weapons. You might notice a few differences from the average bland shooter though.

  • Samus is a girl! That’s right. Playing her makes you GAY!
  • The game she stars hin has colors other than grey and brown. Also GAY!
  • The enemies are space pirates. If you are so far gone that you can’t see how awesome that is I don’t even know how to make fun of you anymore.
  • Samus herself is a mercenary raised by an alien race of good guys, blowing up that whole wanabe patriotic, pro military, macho-theme.
  • The Metroid combat suit transforms into a morphball in something that is so cute and ridiculous it would probably melt the ego of the FPS-crowd.

This post is not even about how awesome Metroid is, I haven’t played one of the games in years (NiceDino will probably come through with some reviews though). I simply find it absolutely hilarious hour a supercharged genre of manly men, SPARTANS, MASTER CHEFS and a generation of “pro gamers” are playing a genre that was first touched by a game that would would melt them like the whicked witch if they touched it.

You know what? I lied. This post is about how awesome Metroid is. This is a cool character and considering the lack female characters in video games (and the even worse lack fo good ones, another thing to write about soon) she is all the better. She might also be the only female hero I ever saw who was not defined by some sort of romantic relationship. She just kicks butt without having to be made somehow softer, less scary or cute. I was never one to be too nostalgic about the past but some concepts just plain work and a tough, hot mercenary with tools that looked high-tech 20 years ago and somehow still do is just timeless.



One response

7 09 2010
If you need a new type of soldier… « This would be more awesome with lasers

[…] Or gravity gun thingie. Doesn’t matter. It just does. I don’t dislike the concept of space marines on principle and I absolutely love military science-fiction and this trailer while still pretty […]

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