I’m a hypocrite

21 09 2010

by AngryPanda

It’s true and both sad and funny considering how much I despise those people. In recent posts I wrote about Mac-Users and said all kind of rude things about them, their moms and quite likely their sexual preferences. I hope I didn’t make any cry but if I did I’m sure there’s an App for that. The irony is that until recently I was a Mac-User myself. It was never my primary system because I really prefer that to do what I want (I actually prefer all my systems do what I want but we get to that later. Anyway until two months ago I owned a MacBook Pro.

It was a rather sexy lifestyle coffee tray.

It was a really sleek and elegant overpriced piece of hardware and I’d even go so far to say that it might have been worth part of its price. But I grew up with computers and I’m used to do things in folders men was not meant to know or touch to get my system to do weird shit or just stop working altogether if I do them wrong. The Mac wouldn’t let me. I think the final straw was the trouble I had simply trying to copy my G13 Setup from my Laptop to the MacBook.

Thankfully I got some decent money for the thing even after it was over a year old since there is an almost religious reference for this stuff and it is so overpriced that many people can’t afford to buy new. Was it a good computer? I don’t know. It was certainly a comfortable one. And I guess if you are not used to Windows or Linux it is ok because its real easy to use and incredibly user-friendly. That was one reason I thought about giving it to my kid brothers. But then I decided I’d prefer them to learn how to deal with Windows and use freeware. Since I said before, anyone who thinks an App is a service is a fucking twat. So I sold the thing and now all is good and I’m clean of the cult stench right? No, not so fast!

My stedad gave me his iPhone.

Yay… . Well I needed a Cell Phone anyway and you can make calls with it right? I thought so at least. By now I’m no longer so sure. It is a hazzle to even activate the damn thing. Why do I need iTunes on my computer for it? I don’t want that waste of space (plus I shot my “myMusic” folder so it won’t install right…). So this is a bit like the Notebook in that it is overpriced and demands that you pay for every little bit of software. But unlike the notebook which greeted me in a friendly voice, pretty colors and an easy to use interface this thing is terribly uncomfortable. Maybe it will get better once I use it. But I’m not entirely sure why it has to make it so damn hard to get there. I could have jailbroken the thing and it would have been less work than to activate it properly. And the worst part is that I’m not entirely motivated to do so since that would just make me one of those iPhone people. I think this device is a waste of time and money yet I’m still using one. Maybe that’s why I’m so hard on them. I’m like one of those annoying ex-smokers who goes all fire and brimstone on those who still smoke.

On the bright side I will most likely get myself a Motorola Shadow once it is released. First they make pretty sexy phones and second the thing is named Shadow. Yes and it will also not use the Mac OS and make me dependant on Apps that’s nice too. Oh yes and most importantly I can start making fun of iPhone users again.

Ah screw it. The updside of being a hyprcrite is that I can start right now.

Here are a few iPhone apps I’d like to see:

1. An app that makes the iPhone scream ‘I’VE GOT AN IPHONE!’ each time the user pulls it out of their pocket. Once activated, it would be impossible to switch off. The only way to stop the constant embarrassment would be to repeatedly crack the device against a wall, or preferably your own face, until it shattered.

2. An app billed as a “comical toilet paper simulator”. You switch it on, pretend to “wipe” your backside, and hey presto: the screen appears smeared with virtual pixilated poo. But – ho ho – just like the screaming iPhone app above, it’s a permanent booby trap. Once you’ve performed your first comical wipe, in a frankly desperate bid to impress your non-iPhone-owning friends, it’s impossible for the screen to revert to its original state. Instead, you’re left with no option but to go home and cry.

3. An app that makes your iPhone unexpectedly oscillate and explode halfway through a conversation to a loved one, sending thousands of miniscule shards of plastic and silicon hurtling into your ear canal like a swarm of angry pins. As a bonus, the detonation also blasts your hand apart like a spent casing. Why? Because you bought an iPhone, silly.

Courtesy of Charlie Brooker and borrowed from his Article on the Guardian. Read it in full, Charlie Brooker is awesome.




One response

22 10 2010
Mac Attack « This would be more awesome with lasers

[…] understand are their fans of who I might have made fun once or twice. Ok, ok I admit it. It was even more often. But hey I found this about Mac in general so I thought I’d share. I’d name a source […]

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