Just give her some pants you twat!

27 10 2010

by AngryPanda

There is absolutely nothing I want to post today. Of course there is some stuff I wanted to write for ages now but seriously after yesterday was about Sky Pirates what could I write about today that comes even remotely close to that? It would be absolutely impossible to get more awesome. At least I thought so. Then I realized there are sill Space Pirates. Now that is a tough choice to make. Who is more awesome? Honestly I couldn’t decide if not for one thing. What would make Sky Pirates more awesome? You really need to ask? Lasers!

The above text has nothing to do with the title of the post. This pictures even less.

So:

Sky Pirates + Lasers > Sky Pirates

Since:

Sky Pirates = Flying Pirates

And:

Space Pirates = Flying Pirates + Lasers

We can assume:

Space Pirates > Sky Pirates

It’s science!

I had wanted to write about the portrayal and use of women in video games for a long time now. In fact I wanted to do it about books, series and movies too. Mostly because I find female protagonists much more interesting. And usually used in the most boring ways possible. I’m not even complaining about the overused sex appeal. I complain because it is done badly. Sadly those are sensitive subjects and to write about them I have to think about what I blabber about. In other words it is work. And I’m lazy. So this post is not about that either. Sorry. Here are some tits to make up for it.

Didn't I just talk about boring chicks in movies and games?

This post is about one particular case in The Last Guardian. If you haven’t heard of it yet, neither had I. Apparently the game is about a young boy and his pet “thing”. I tried to find a picture that shows it clearly but couldn’t find one. In the (mostly boring) trailer video it looks like a giant mutated fox with bird claws. It als doesn’t get to eat anyone, despite some fight scenes. If this thing is just to ride around it is the most overdone epic mount ever.

The thing is called a “Trico” and the developer had a few words about it. He was kind enough to utter every sentence in increasing order of stupidity so I don’t even have to change that to work my way up. Source.

“The Trico is a very powerful creature, if we’d had a beefed-up, powerful hero, it would have thrown off the balance a little bit, so the design naturally drove me to create an adolescent female character who was light on her feet.”

So the basic assumption is that a female hero would always be weaker than a male? Wow that’s already pretty sexist. I’m at least willing to buy that a more agile lighter hero would make a cool match for a giant beast and with some goodwill you could interpret the statement as that. Of course I don’t have too much goodwill. Not that it would help since along comes the next part.

“But in the end I decided a boy would have a little more grip to climb the Trico.”

And there goes the goodwill. What the fuck? So girls already make the weaker fighters but even the most sexist bastards usually have a weakness for the sexy thief/cat burglar. Now they can’t even climb anymore? This is stepping from “maybe unintentionally naive” into “obvious douchebag” territory with just a few words. But wait, it gets better.

“Another problem is that girls tend to wear skirts, and The Last Guardian features a lot of climbing…”

The irony here is that the true ignorance of this statement took about five seconds to hit me. That has to be the time until my brain needed to sink to the depth of bigotry you have to feel to say this. In those five seconds my thoughts were mostly around the fact that today there are games in which it is completely normal to fly in THIS:

After I was done processing the true meaning of that sentence (and looking at those legs above) the sheer unbelievable ignorance of the statement finally hit me. So let me get this straight. Girl:

  1. Are weak fighters
  2. suck at climbing and dexterity.
  3. Always wear short skirts.

I don’t think words can help anymore. A silver  bullet to the head seems the only cure for this guy. I could argue that girls can not only wear pants but look damn good in them too but somehow that feels like drilling a hole into the air. Just more stupid. There really isn’t anything that could make this better. Except maybe Space Pirates. With pants!

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