Ten thoughts: The Green Hornet

24 01 2011

by AngryPanda

This is an experiment. I mentioned I’m looking for a format for short reviews earlier and this is what I came up it. TT, see what I did there? I am soooo smart. You may not like it but there are people who find Ts are so awesome they live in them! That series was awesome by the way. Also there’s Mister T and you don’t want to fuck with him. Oh my god don’t click on that link. Holy shit I just used google video search what have I done?! Do not click the link! Anyway, let’s get to the Green Hornet.

1. Movie Bob has a review of this that’s well done and has some interesting info so why do I bother to write this at all?

2. My first impression of this film was ok. I was entertained and mostly not bored. At the time my main problem was the people sitting around me. I really hate people and I need at least one empty seat between me and other humans beings to feel even remotely comfortable. I had some generic douchebag to my right. He didn’t even do anything but even their mere presence caused a whirlpool of raw disgust to form in my stomach.

3. Even during the screening I could see that the 3D completely sucked. It was one of those cases in which it wasn’t only not helping it actively killed immersion. They really should stop slapping this half-assed stuff on movies that were originally shot in 2D. It’s just a gimmick people, not the second coming of Tommy.

4. Seth Rogan was a unlikable twat and nothing that happened in this movie changed that. I really wanted him to die so I can get more screen time of Kato.

5. Cameron Diaz is old. This shouldn’t be an issue for a talented artist but if your talents are blond hair and tits it is. You really notice that her contract had to protect her from competition since you see a ton of generic hot chics at the start of the movie but once Diaz shows up no women that looks better than her appears again in the whole movie.

6. The more time passes the more I dislike this film. While the action and humor entertained you while it ran it becomes really obvious just how much better this could have been once you think about it. It’s like they made a generic buddy action flick and just slapped on costumes that didn’t fit into it at all.

7. While we are the subject of costumes that don’t fit I’d say the setting was as wrong as it gets. This should have been set in 1940s Chicago or a timeless but vaguely retro setting like Sin City. Hornet’s suit isn’t supposed to look like a silly costume but like contemporary clothing for their era. So they should have either changed it for their sucky movie or changed the whole setting. And make Hornet not be such a Dick while they were at it.

8. I just realized I even like The Spirit more than this movie, again because they put it into a decent setting despite all the other failing. My dislike for this movie has grown in irregular increments over the last week and it feels like I just hit another step down. Or up, if you apply Sith-logic. I wonder how bad this will get. Will I end up stalking everyone involved in the production in this with a spoon? Or better a spork? I love sporks, they are the most awesome invention since Dinoriders.

9. You’d think ten points are barely enough and I think in many cases that will be true but right now I’m mostly running out. I guess the random killings are worth a thought. Their plan is to appear as bad guys and have a plot to take down the villains. They just end up slaughtering them. That’s not being a hero undercover that’s being a vigilante. Nothing wrong with that but you could be up-front about it and set a better tone.

10. Really don’t click the Mister T link. You’ll bloody regret it.

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4 responses

26 01 2011
Mr. T « This would be more awesome with lasers

[…] but it was executed horribly. But I’m not immune. I got some responses to mentioning Mr T in the entry about Green Hornet this monday and I started to look up on him in wide eyed fascination and terror. It could be that I escaped […]

27 01 2011
math games

post not working in firefox

1 02 2011
Ten thoughts: Tron Legacy « This would be more awesome with lasers

[…] ten thoughts idea worked pretty well for Green Hornet so I’ll give it another shot for this. It seems to be a good way for me to structure the mess […]

19 11 2012
The Avengers in 1978? « This would be more awesome with lasers

[…] works I can’t help focusing on those things. With complete trainwrecks like Prometheus or Green Hornet I don’t even know there to stand criticising. Or what the point would […]

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