#NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

20 04 2011

by AngryPanda

That’s a hashtag. I didn’t know that. Twitter falls under social media and so it was something I wouldn’t touch with surgical gloves. But since this thing doesn’t have a Real-ID policy so it is not as bad as eating rusty nails or using Facebook. Also I only get marketing bot accounts as followers so I think I have the most private social media accounts on the planet. More importantly it lets me post all those links without having to make a big ass post about it each monday. No one clicks them but then no one clicked the monday links either so that’s no loss. The only real problem is that I don’t have official “state of the blog” space any more. I used them for that too.

Random interruption: This has absolutely nothing to do with this post but I’m writing it over some time so the window keeps open. I am now officially watching a plant grow through a webcam. At work. There are so many things wrong with this I no longer even know what to say. It is a nice plant though. The darn thing grows 8 cm a day. Now THAT would be a promise for a spam-mail.

Alright, back on topic now.

I think the topic was me not talking about the hashtag but about the blog. Awesome. I hope nobody reads this mess. Which is unlikely considering that reader numbers have tripled in the last 3 days for no apparent reason at all. I didn’t even post porn. Well, I did for me… . After almost two weeks with no updates things are going smoothly again. A fun fact I realized is that I never write anything about the things I really want to though because those would be long and end up being work. I have dozens of screenshots, links and half finished drafts for stuff like that. That makes me especially glad about yesterday’s entry that I just did anyway. Still there’s so much left to say that it will probably get a follow-up entry, maybe with an explanation on why I’m such a fanboy.

Now, back to the hashtag. I usually see the Daily Show about a week late on the web, and the Colbert Report about half as often. (Thank you, thank you, thank you for putting this stop up internationally, I gladly watch your ads and I’m so glad I don’t have to pirate your stuff. This by the way is intended as a factual statement).  So I was a week late discovering John Kyl’s act of complete and utter bullshit. My dear Americans, I love you, I really do. In fact I have a draft for a post about how much the anti-american jokes are mostly small minded bullshit. But seriously if you didn’t get that the Republicans are pure lying evil yet there is something wrong with you.

Colbert, tweeting as @StephenAtHome, began posting some not-so-factual statements about Kyl, beginning with “Jon Kyl is one of Gaddafi’s sexy female ninja guards #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement.” Since then, he’s launched more than 30 such broadsides, all bearing that exculpatory hashtag, including:

  • Jon Kyl is an accomplished nude hula dancer. He is not welcome in Hawaii.
  • For the past 10 years, Jon Kyl has been two children in a very convincing Jon Kyl suit.
  • Jon Kyl cheated on Sandra Bullock.
  • Once a year, Jon Kyl retreats to the Arizona desert and deposits 2 million egg sacs under the sand.
  • Citing religious reasons, Jon Kyl refuses to utter the number 8.
  • Jon Kyl once ate a badger he hit with his car.
  • Carly Simon wrote that song about Jon Kyl.
  • Legally, Jon Kyl cannot be within 100 yards of Helen Mirren.
  • Jon Kyl has a shrine to Scooter from the Muppet Show.
  • Jon Kyl developed his own line of hair care products just so he could test them on bunnies.
  • Jon Kyl was sent from the future to kill Sarah Conner.

Naturally, Colbert’s twitter followers quickly took up the meme, offering their own hitherto-unknown “facts” about the Arizona Republican.

This has been quoted from the somewhere on the internet. 

Under normal circumstances I really don’t like this sort of bullying. Swarming over someone like piranhas feels a bit too much like highschool. But seriously this guy brought it on himself. And he didn’t just do it on accident or for good reason. He did it to get what he wants and what he wants is to take freedom and power from women. He has it coming. As you might have noticed from the twitter comments on the side I’m going to milk this for every drop of cynical revenge I can get. If you are easily offended you shouldn’t read them. On the other hand if you are easily offended I got to ask what the fuck you are doing on this site.

Update: They can fucking change the congressional record as much as they like? Do I even have to ridicule this?

Update 2: I’ve been asked why I love Americans. Well for one thing they produce nearly half the entertainment I enjoy (hence making my life something beside misery and pain). Considering that Japan seems to be sinking under (soon to be radioactive) waves this might rise up to over 90%. I’m almost ready to give them a fucking halo.

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