I’m going to die here

21 04 2011

by AngryPanda

Today’s entry sucks. You probably shouldn’t read it. But the fact is that I wanted to leave this country since I was 12, preferably to go someplace that is warm and has beaches. Yesterday evening I sat down and realized that I missed my chances to move while I was out of work and could have easily risked everything. Now I’m 30, in a halfway decent job and with a way too specialized skill set to get a chance anywhere. I’m fucked.

And I don't even look that cute as a corpse.

I could take a risk and just get some low qualification job and hope for the best but I’m not the type who makes his chances easily. And my main qualification right now is technical writing, localization and all sorts of related crap. In bloody German. I think during my whole career I wrote one English user manual. I could learn it but it would take time and I doubt anyone feels like hiring someone who’d need 3 months just to land on his feet. Plus I don’t even have PHD, all I do was learned on the fly.  I’m feeling a little better today but seriously the thought of spending the rest of my life here is enough to make want to play in traffic. I’m not one of the people who can just get up and make their luck, I barely landed on my feet here. Things are going ok for me but I don’t know if ok is enough to keep me going for years. There’s only one thing I really ever wanted and it seems I can’t even get that. I’m going to die here and the thought is almost more than I can bear.




5 responses

21 04 2011
Judgement Day! « This would be more awesome with lasers

[…] Maybe I shouldn’t have been depressed. Of course this does mean I can be 100% certain I will die here. What am I talking about? According to the best TV-Series ever produced (note: needs entry) today is Judgement Day. The day Skynet goes active and declares war on humanity. Burn motherfucker.  Yes I’m perfectly willing to die with them if it just means all the idiots finally get it too. I have to admit I’d like being killed by a Terminator because that would be awesome but I guess nuclear fires will have to do. Funny enough I first had a conversation about this online this morning in my MMO with a bunch of other addicts. We considered that Skynet might have already won and using a more subtle approach. But I don’t really think subtle is Skynet’s style. It seems to prefer an approach that is a little more direct and even its idea of infiltration is a giant mass of steel in form of a killing machine. […]

28 04 2011
So you’re sadists. That explains a lot. « This would be more awesome with lasers

[…] base this theory on the fact that for the past two weeks “I’m going to die here” has been the most read entry on this blog. The only thing that ever came close to that way […]

2 05 2011
Hard lessons for news « This would be more awesome with lasers

[…] but they would never read it and I care even less about this place than anyone else on this blog. I might have mentioned that. Still worth a […]

26 07 2011
I had to jinx it « This would be more awesome with lasers

[…] there are thousands of people out there still waiting for a code they already got. Dear EA, I want to get out of here and I know how to send emails, you clearly need me as one of your top dogs for that Origin store. […]

15 02 2012
Mad Mike’s America « This would be more awesome with lasers

[…] A long way to go but if I can reach a point at which my English gets good enough to do my job in it I just might not have to die here after all. Share this:FacebookTwitterMoreEmailDiggStumbleUponPrintRedditLike this:LikeBe the first to like […]

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