Ten thoughts: Thor

28 04 2011

by AngryPanda

I can’t believe I only made two of these so far. One which was me drooling and the other I didn’t even see. Well here’s sort review for Thor!

Update: Since I was asked. Yes the 3D is the usual tagged on later ripoff to get more money out of you. Watch it in 2D and you won’t miss a thing.

The girl to my left wouldn't stop swooning over him. Neither did the guy to my right...

1. The trailer for this movie was horrible. It was so fucking generic that I almost didn’t watch it. In fact I only went because some people I knew a while back asked and I decided I need to socialize a little or go completely nuts. This movie is funny and entertaining but the trailer makes it look like another Spider-Man (no that’s not praise get lost) or an Iron Man without a cool lead. Way to fuck it up.

2. First trailer was for the next Pirates movie. I’ve heard people ask how many movies you can make around Captain Jack Sparrow being cool. I say those people should be shot because the answer is obviously a whole lot. Maybe they don’t want more good entertainment but I sure do. Just not like the second one please I don’t know why but that way anoying. Anyway it looked great and combined with how boring Thor looked from what I knew so far I really wanted to see that movie.

3. Thor starts. The human goons are fun and likeable. Color me surprised. Then it immediately leaps to Asgard. Hope I still got the color. I’ve heard it said that he looks like in the comics and that this proves all superheroes should but that’s bullshit. Yes Thor looks like in the comics because those changed him to THIS. But originally he was a giant pussy and that’s still how most heroes look. It doesn’t count if they simply fix the look in the comics first.  The warriors three are pretty cool. Sif is pretty generic but at least she’s not the average pancake face Americans seem to like so much. Loki looks fantastic. All in all every member of the cast is both likeable and looks really great, even down to Heimdal.

4. Odin is a pussy. He sounds like a pussy (I pray that was the dub) and he even looks like one. That is fucking Odin we are talking about. He’s the meanest bastard in existence. This is the weak link in the cast. There are no words to describe how weak this guy is.

5. Asgard looks beautiful, in fact almost all the visuals are great. The palace looks like a giant golden pipe and is no suitable centerpiece for the fantastic flying island they made but it doesn’t ruin it. The home world of the Frost Giants looks gorgeous in a cold and creepy way. Since the scenes on earth are in the  bloody desert earth looks by far the most boring. WHich is very appropriate since it doesn’t matter one bit in this movie. Everything looks gorgeous. The scene of the warrior three and Thor riding over Brifrost was simply breathtaking.

The rainbow bridge. Sadly I couldn't find a picture that really shows of the prism effect.

6. The pacing is incredibly fast. I love it and I can see how this has been called “less adult”. Thor doesn’t need more than 3 minutes to see he likes the girl. He also need only about 20 minutes to get over the lesson of how selfish he was and get back on track to be a hero. I loved it, we’ve all seen those stories told, I don’t have to see it in excruciating detail again. Fun fact: Natalie Portman was fantastic, Jane and Thor had great chemistry. What Star Wars tried to tell in 3 movies and failed they made you see in five minutes and succeeded.

7. The plot is almsot a fairytale. The usual Hollywood credo of only earth and the present time being important at all is kicked in the balls. Thor’s exile might as well have been in Narnia. The earth doesn’t matter and isn’t even threatened. In fact they don’t even threaten Asgard, the only world in peril is that of the bad guys. Which makes the whole story about the wise and noble king really matter for a change. Thor makes a great sacrifice to save others, not even his own people.

8. The soundtrack was really mediocre. It wasn’t bad but with so much effort into everything else something more unique would have been really appropriate. Especially for the scenes not on earth. Since this movie is in the higher areas of “pretty ok” but not yet at “must see again!” a fantastic soundtrack might just have elevated it to the next level.

9. They did it because they were spineless whimps who didn’t want to get into trouble with the religious nutjobs that are for some reason not put into Asylums in the US but I really liked how they portrayed the Asen as a super advanced alien race and finally cleared it up one way or the other. I like my Asgard as aliens. Their stuff was technology and while it looked “fantasy-ish” you could clearly see this. Bifrost was the best example. I loved the whole cosmology and really hope we get to see more of Thor and his family outside of the Avengers movie.

Hard to find a decent picture but something with a more elaborate design and a handle that doesn't look like a toy would have helped.

10. It wouldn’t be me if I didn’t have something to cry about and here goes. Mjolnir, the defining artifact, the weapon of the main hero, the most important Asgard device in the whole movie looked like a goddamn plastic toy. I know they have to appease the nerds these days but please there has to be a limit. This thing could have looked like a weapon, not like the merchandise you sell to kids afterwards. Horrible choice. He was clearly killing people with it, it might as well have looked like it can do the job. Or somewhat more high fanstasy/tech. I can’t even find a decent picture but then in doubt the basics would have done the job.




4 responses

3 05 2011
Trailers « This would be more awesome with lasers

[…] between the absolutely generic and boring trailer for Thor and this joyride. Unfortunately I already got to see Thor and since it was pretty decent I don’t feel like bashing it too much just for the bad […]

18 05 2011
Hawkeye the Movie « This would be more awesome with lasers

[…] had a few more things I wanted to say about Thor (review here) that really only make sense after you saw the movie and since I assume most people have by now it […]

9 02 2012
In other news 3D still sucks « This would be more awesome with lasers

[…] and Tron Legacy. So yeah the 3D was still shit. Not the sort of stitched on shit that actually made Thor worse than it was in 2D but still not very good. Unless you belong to the mentioned […]

8 05 2013
Ten thoughts: Iron Man 3 | This would be more awesome with lasers

[…] Not my favorite movie of the current Marvel franchise that’s still Thor with Avengers close behind but still the bar has been raised so high at this point that even a good […]

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