Review: POTC “OST”

7 06 2011

by AngryPanda

What? I thought Americans love acronyms? I think that was a catchy one for “Pirates of the Carribean: On stranger tides“. Even the posters looked like they drowned in text. Anyway, I saw this two weeks ago and its taken all this time for me to write something about it. This is sort of bad for the movies itself since it would have gotten a much more favorable review the same day or the day after I’ve seen it. I’m pretty sure everyone involved will cry now and send donate the millions of dollars they made to charity. Unless that charity is me I couldn’t care less so once more all my victories are hollow.

I like how all posters are obvious fake these days because real people don’t look good enough on them. Anyway that’s up there is the cast and it is serviceable enough. I heard cries that Will Turner and Elisabeth Swan are missing but unless your favorite food is generic with in a cream of bland I don’t see how anyone could need those two in a movie. Here’s the short rundown how the thing fares compared to the others.

  • Pirates 1 was better
  • Pirates 2 was worse
  • Pirates 3 was better

On the bright side this thing is the first standalone movie since number one. You can see it without ever having to see the rest or know any of the story. I would still recommend seeing number 1 first though simply because it is the best pirate movie ever.

I’ve heard the question how many more movies the can make simply based on the fact that Jack Sparrow is fun and pirates are awesome. My answer would have been at least a hundred but I got to say maybe not. Then I first heard about a new Pirates they said they might go without the original cast and I say this is how it should have been. This movie would have been better if it had been about Captain Barbossa and maybe some young British Captain. But I can imagine how Disney would not let go of their guaranteed cash cow. And so On Stranger Tides goes boldly into a new place, that no movies has gone before. Except with that Jack tied to the iron chain around its leg.

Instead of dropping a great setting they just make more movies about it and that is just fine. Between all the other flicks out there a Pirates movie can exist solely on the virtue of being a pirate movie in my book. It is funny even if not nearly as funny as the first, it has some clichéd but great characters, tons of magic which I think makes this setting a lot more interesting than anything that tries to be really historic and the usual epic soundtrack.  If you like Pirate movies this one is absolutely worth seeing. If you only liked the other movies because of the big names, some sort of deep character development or other pussy stuff it isn’t for you.

If this were a normal movie I’d score it about five empty cans of tuna but the mere fact that it is in a non-contemporary setting and has pirates pushes it above average. It is a fun, action-packed ride and in fact that ride is so fast that I didn’t even notice my major point of criticism until after it was over:

There are no ship to ship battles!

This thing shouldn't just be used for a damn cruise!

The Pirates movies have always tried to cheat us of ship battles, it doesn’t seem to be something they like very much. Even in third movie the moment you see two whole fleets confront each other it ends with just two ships battling it out. But not a single fight on the water at all is really cheap. They absolutely need to fix that if they want to go on with the series.

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9 06 2011
Ok girls you gota face the facts « This would be more awesome with lasers

[…] this is just not true. I’ve seen Stranger Tides this week and in the row right behind me I had three chics who absolutely hated every single […]

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