The Pope stole my bike

26 09 2011

by AngryPanda

I don’t protest against every single state event and despite my open distaste for religion I’m not technically opposed the Pope having lots of security on a state visit. He is after all, a head of state. Even if it is a tiny one. But so is Lichtenstein and nobody complains there. Anyway the walking idol of the corpse prayers (who happens to look like one too, well done) visited my home city this weekend. This meant the whole darn thing was shut down completely for security. And this is there I object. I don’t mind a major part of the inner city being closed or having to show my passport a few times. But closing down the whole city? There were no buses, no trams, virtually no cars allowed. The staff of the major hospitals had to sleep at work so they could be there. A friend wanted to visit my dad and he wasn’t allowed to travel half a mile on his goddamn bike, he was stopped at a bridge. Moving away from the current location of the Pope. This is insane. As I said I don’t mind some effort and lots of security but this has gone completely over the top. I live here and I don’t remember there being a vote if we want to host this event and be prisoners in our own homes for two full days. I get that the Pope is one of the five most endangered persons on the planet but if it is that bad then maybe he just has to fucking stay at home. If other people are in danger they go into protective custody. You don’t lock away several thousand other people just so they can move around freely.

Plus the bastard stole my bike!

  • Seriously, the evidence is overwhelming:
  • My bike vanished exactly on the weekend a person unknown in the neighborhood and dressed suspiciously appeared.
  • 100% of bikes stolen from me in the last five years have been stolen while the Pope was in town.
  • The Pope does not have a bike yet, we all know he keeps driving in the Popemobile. So there was motive.
  • Witnesses assure me that the Pope left the country in a hurry after this weekend. In a plane to a country that grants him immunity from prosecution.

The case is clear to me. The Pope stole my bike and as he will not have to answer for his crimes even before god, thanks to their nifty way of just regretting all their sins (that’s a really neat trick by the way Catholics) there is only one logical step left for me to both avenge the theft and regain a mode of transportation. I must steal the Popemobile! For this I must assemble a team of unique individuals dedicated to the highest ideals of ju… doing weird shit. Who’s with me?!



One response

6 10 2011
Darth Pope: There’s my proof! « This would be more awesome with lasers

[…] And you didn’t believe he would steal my bike? There you go. On related news I’m busy creating another Supergroup (that’s a Guild for you non City of Heroes players) because the one I have is not causing enough work for me already. Yeah I’m insane. […]

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