Ten thoughts: Sherlock Holmes 2

3 01 2012

by AngryPanda

It’s been a while since I did one of these hasn’t it? That’s one thing I forgot to mention in my last post. 2011 I also managed to let this blog fall into disrepair. Which doesn’t really matter but is just one more little gem on the 2011’s crown of being the king of shit. Anyway I started 2012 with my first movie and it immediately started off trying to be better than 2011 by showing me a movie that was well… shit.. but sort of okay-ish? Yeah I think that’s how I’d describe Sherlock Holmes 2. So in we go.

1. This movie doesn’t feel like the second part of the Sherlock Holmes movie I’ve seen last. It feels like someone took the slash-fanfiction version of what part 2 might look like and made an actual movie out of it. It was a pretty good fanfic writer and she was probably over 20 but that’s still the level it operates on. In the end I was almost surprised that Holmes and Watson didn’t actually kiss but at least they danced in each others arms which I guess was the most they could get away with.

Don't worry, they are almost naked and in each others arms only a minute or so later. And of course his lipstick smears so he looks like the Joker from the Dark Knight.

2. Moriarty’s plan was not nearly as clever as the one from the last movie. Or it was more clever, it depends on your point of view. Of course being an armsdeaer on international scale is one of the best ways to get insanely rich. But it’s not exactly what I’d expect of a criminal mastermind. It’s just real. Watch Lord of War for a much better take at this.

3. While I didn’t particularly care for the plot it might have been a lot better if it had been more than a really hectic assembly of random scenes. Some of which were good, by the way. It just wasn’t coherent.

4. This movie was entirely too loud. I think I heard fewer explosions in some Rambo movies. And the worst part: The Hans Zimmer soundtrack felt generic and worn out. They finally managed to overuse it. There was just nothing unique about it and it didn’t really gave the movie anything except reminding me that I’d rather watch The Rock. I complained about the soundtrack of Thor last time and I was wrong. The Thor soundtrack was at least clearly not already used in another movie. This here just felt cheap.

5. I might be old-fashioned but after the female lead was killed in the first five minutes there was no real replacement for her. Of course it makes sense too, the girl had to get out-of-the-way for the steaming Holmes/Watson romance. That’s how fan fiction works.

6. The world in this movie looked ugly. It isn’t a very pleasant era but seriously everything was just dirty and fucked up so much I couldn’t care if anything died, exploded or burned down.

7. The scenes in which Holmes analyzed things were very hectic zooming and almost gave me a headache. But they weren’t action scenes so at least there was that.

8. Holmes insanity from the last movie was dialed up to 11, so much that it seemed he shouldn’t actually be able to function anymore. Again, it smelled of fanfic.

9. The ending scene between Moriarty and Holmes was fantastic. They played out the whole finally in their heads several times over. While playing chess. It was a masterpiece standing high above everything else in this movie. I would say it is worth seeing for that scene alone.

10. I’m out of things to say about the movie so I’ll inform you that I was in a relationship with a chic who was into slash/fanfic for several years. I know what I’m talking about and I have zero tolerance for teenaged girl’s crossdresser rape fantasies.

In summary I had great food and great company and a movie that was mediocre if you aren’t as allergic to obvious slash as I am. Not a bad evening.

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