Ten thoughts: Battleship

20 04 2012

by AngryPanda 

As I’ve just told a friend, hot chicks fighting are better than explosions. Thus the movie last discussed was better than this one. Still I think Battleship is worth its own entry.

1. Okay this has to come first because it is just too insane. They made a movie about the game BATTLESHIP. Are they fucking insane? Actually no, they aren’t. You see the way Hollywood works these days. The thing is that no one is getting a budget for anything that is a risk so the safe bet is to present some old IP. Yes even if it is bullshit. It doesn’t matter as long as no one suspects you have a new idea. You can even hide a whole different movie behind it.

Now that I think about it they should have made a movie about a tournament of this. Proto-Nerds or something.

2. While this movie was incredibly generic it also managed to be surprisingly fun at the same time.  This one gets the “Better than expected” stamp which should be nothing special these days but sadly is.

3. The aliens didn’t look very remarkable but they were cool and they had nifty ship designs. I wish we could see real sci-fi with stuff like that these days but who am I kidding. Speaking of real sci-fi this movie would have been much better if they had pimped one of their ships with alien tech so if can do a space battle with the aliens.

4. I never have and hopefully never will again seen Rihanna dressed as decently as in this movie before. She was also way more awesome than the generic half-naked blonde.

5. From this movie it is pretty obviously why Battle LA sucked. This movie would have sucked too if you took away Battleships moving to a soundtrack by AC-DC. But they fucking had that.

6. The large role they gave the Japanese captain was surprising and nice. Also he was the guy who actually squeezed in the “shooting at grids” bit they did to have some connection to the game. The japanese by the way did have an old battleship that was retrofitted for space combat. He gave me hope they’d do it in this one.

7. As sad as the fate of most injured vets is the heroic scene of that guy with no legs was terrible forced.

8.  The old dudes getting the old battleship ready again seemed a lot less forced. In fact that giant tin can starting to move to Thunderstruck might just have been the best moment of the movie. It could only have been better if they’d let it fly.

9. It was a welcome change of pace to see human weapons have an impact on alien technology. These ships were armed with some seriously badass shit and even the outdated cannons of the Missouri took those spaceships apart. It was obvious the alien tech was superior but I liked just how brutal the good old ship weaponry was.

10. Did you know that if you google “Battleship” you are likely to see both the Yamato and the Arcadia among the first ten hits? Or is that just me? Anyway, the Yamato, being a flying old battleship complexly proves my point that this movie had needed that. The movie was okay. But it could have been good with some effort.

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