Writers block

1 06 2012

by Angry Panda

Even at the best of times I wouldn’t dare call myself a writer. I just can’t compete with the people who deserve to call themselves that. What I am is a hack. I either go to this blog to spit some angry shit about something any sane person wouldn’t give a toss about or I write short stories for roleplay plots  in my City of Heroes guild that pretty much amount to nothing but fan-fic but without the porn. I even have writer in my job description. But it is “technical writer”. Basically I get paid to write shit nobody ever wants to read and if they have to it is a chore. No writers block is something that in my book (which I don’t have since I’m not a wr.. circular logic!) real writers can have. I can see how they can run out of inspiration. But me? Have I run out of movies and books to bash? Can’t I give the 20 billionth review of the Avengers? Write a story about some hot chick shooting fire at some  stylized representation of people or things I hate? Can’t even write down a bloody manual containing things like “Press this button to make this over prized shit beep and catch fire”?

This is pathetic. I shouldn’t even be able to have writer block. But I do. It has happened before for a few days but it has been two month and it is turning into a problem. Not for this blog obviously. I have allowed this thing to collect dust before and I think my average reader is a bot anyway. But for other shit. I can improve at work by reusing a lot of text from old products, I can waste time by fixing old stuff, I can spend time proofreading. But at some point or the other I have to produce brand shining new (if fucking boring) text. After weeks and weeks of this it is getting hard and I just have to finish some new products. Still, for reasons that are too long to describe here I essentially can’t be fired and I can always squirm my way around a little more.

What really gets to me is the private stuff. I  run a guild in City of Heroes (called Supergroups there) but due to time difference I’m already almost never around. In practice the group is run by the other officers who for some reason are so kind as to never really call me out on that. Yet one of them has tried to get a story going for months now, one that involves my own characters and the origin of the group. All they need is a little input from me, some basic information and a story or two to set it up. All in all I could probably cut it down to the length of this entry. But I didn’t write it yet. I just couldn’t. I know I wanted to. I took the time for it. But the words just won’t come. By now I have planned it out in my head so often that I’m actually bored of the story myself. But I still can’t write it. I can’t fucking write anything. Except this. Which as sad as it is, is progress. That’s why I’m even writing this. Maybe writing something, anything, even if it is just a rant about how uselessly lazy I am will help solve this shit. It’s not like I write a whole lot on my best days but I need to get back to that at least. Because my friends deserve better than having to wait for the most basic stuff they need for their work to help me. And I guess maybe someday I might have to finish a project at work too…




2 responses

7 08 2012

Writers block disappears the moment you leave that rotten shithole you’re working at. Trust me, it works 🙂

7 08 2012
Working my way out of… something « This would be more awesome with lasers

[…] it a full-blown depression? I don’t know but it fucked me over for the last several months if not years. I’m trying to escape it right now which is a good start but it is damn hard. […]

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