Captain, we have a spaceship on screen!

22 07 2017

New Dark Matter, new Killjoys, new Dr Who. Yeah, not everything is the best show ever and not all of them are at the height of their quality. But there was a time when spaceships on TV happened only in reruns and it went for a good while. We accept every mediocre superhero movie but somehow sci fi needs to be perfect. Well, right now it ain’t. But it’s amazing.

And and while we’re at it, if you claim you miss sci-fi why don’t you go watch Valerian this weekend?





Everyone told you they would not vote for Clinton

12 11 2016

Alright. Liz painted a huge target on herself and I am nothing if not a fellow lemming,

so I’m giving in to the temptation of saying “I told you so you fucking idiots what were you thinking?!”. Because I’m so angry this happened, that this freak show attraction will ruin so many lives, that a whole generation will pay for it in regressive court decisions that.. I could go on all night. But there is no point. The defensive machine is already in full spin. The people who said this is not going to work like this were wrong. Even though it didn’t work. They’re all naive idiots who think racist yokels can be swayed. As it wouldn’t have only taken a fraction of the people who just didn’t vote to swing this. You don’t even need the ones who did vote Trump, even if you could actually get a bunch of them.

Getting those people can be soul-crushing, especially if they’ve hurt you in the past. Its thankless because even if they believe you they will never truly appreciate your work. And you know if you get of your high horse for just a moment and actually try to live the “we go high” attitude then maybe it is not too much to admit that even if you (and me, I know I do) don’t care about these people, or even despise them that they too, that EVERYONE deserves some sort of perspective for the future. That even a modern, changed, progressive world needs to offer everyone some perspective. Isn’t that what we on the left claim to strife for? Or did they have their turn and can go rot now?

It took actual work to lose this. Real effort. And man was it ever put in. And even now there is no way to call it out.

And you know what? Fuck this. This is a catastrophe not just for everyone in the US but the whole world.

But I had a good year. I have a decent job for the first time. It is incredibly secure, more so than most Americans can imagine. And yes I am a straight white guy (which by the way doesn’t mean I am happy in my body or any of that shit but screw you).

I don’t live in a mould invested hole that kills me anymore. I got decent clothes to wear that make people treat me like an actual person. I can afford the meds I need and I can help out my dad now that he’s retired and short on funds.

So yeah I will not suffer too much from this garbage fire.

For the first time ever my life is actually kind of average.

I will help my few friends there I can (lucky me I have autism, I’m a pariah to society, people instantly hate me so few friends, but hey Life is a cakewalk for me right? So I don’t have a lot of them to worry about.). For them I’m worried sick. The rest of the world can go fuck off and deal with this fucking mess alone until you learn to play to win in a cultural war instead of acting like spoiled brats who really think its their turn to have the cake now.

Feel free to unfriend me if that rant is too much. First of all I’m used to it and second this is exactly how you lost and this whole shit happened in the first place.

For me this is it. I’m done. I’m not taking hate and bile, I’m not going in the trenches to desperately try and explain that you need to give people some sort of perspective, yes even those dumb and intolerant people you think are worthless. Shit look at yourself, you’re so desperate to defend how this went that you keep digging up the worst racist comments to claim there was NO ONE who could have been swayed. Conveniently forgetting the 50% that didn’t vote. That don’t say such shit. That are still just being silent because they think Trump and his faction are terrible but aren’t ready to endure the firestorm of attacks from their own liberal friends if they so much as admit they stayed at home. They don’t want to take the torrent of accusations of being sexist or racist or whatever the fuck just to keep you from self-destructing by making the pro war avatar of Wall Street some sort of leftwing saint now. Hey look at that I’m anti-Semite too now because “Banks” is code for “Jews” even if its really meant to simplify the issues of a global financial system that has outgrown all reason and I liked Sanders (Oh shit he’s a BernieBro! Is there no end to labels you got ready for anyone who warned you Hillary Clinton is a bad choice? ) but yeah whatever makes you happy.

Keep circling the wagons and blame everyone except for the strategy that lost this. The damage is going to be so large that it might not even matter if you can get your shit together from now on and I don’t have the energy to fight with what should be my own side.





Who should Namor want to fuck?

3 06 2016

I stumbled about this very important question today.

“But if Marvel does a NAMOR movie before they have FANTASTIC FOUR back, whose wife does he try to fuck? That’s like 75% of his schtick.”

How is this even a question? Since the Marvel MCU basicaly doesn’t do women there is only one couple that matters and that any fans are passionate about. And I mean they are realy passionate about them. The wife of course is Captain America’s and the black haired beauty’s name is Bucky Barnes. You would be able to feel the millions of fans screaming out at once and then orgasm the moment this would be revealed.

bucky

 





Don’t forget to call your Mothra today

8 05 2016

This a new Godzilla movie inbound it’s good to have a day to think of everyone’s favorite cuddly Kaiju.

Mothra





Shin Godzilla

2 05 2016

As always after Hollywood fucks up a Godzilla movie Japan moves in to apologise to the big lizard (and you would too, after all he makes this THING look small) with a movie of their own. And while this trailer already includes just about as much actual Godzilla footage as the recent western release did ovet the whole movie they do seem to have taken some bad ideas on how much to focus on everything BUT the monster its all about.

Honestly I was hoping I could just go praise the silly shit out of it but like Godzilla 2000 this seems to be mostly needlessly dramatic and serious in an attempt to appease their giant rubber suit god. All those people talking while that music runs are absolutely funny though if you just imagine them all just saying “Godzilla” over and over because that’s actualy exactly how the dialogue in a lot of these things work.

Also what the fuck is up with his tail? I first thought it is a second monster he is fighting or something. Oh and appearantly he’s glowing. Maybe he will explode. It wouldn’t be the first time. Look its complicated. Godzilla has been around a long time and done a lot of weird shit.





That giant alligator would be more awesome with lasers

14 04 2016

But seriously that is the only thing that could do it. I mean look at the fucking thing. I mean the alligator he eats obviously isn’t exactly a baby either. Just how big is it? I don’t think I want to know.

Alligator





Book Review: The Lies of Locke Lamora

18 03 2016

Alright its only been… a few years? Since I promised to do some book reviews so here we got start with one. Ever since I got an E-Reader (which is a wonderful magical thing that finally got me back to reading at a decent pace of one book per 2 weeks or so) I had to find out that by the time I even get myself to think of writing a review I’m usually halfway through the next book. Well reading is fun and writing is hard. Also I’m a a lazy fuck. Alright enough with the introductions and excuses let’s get to it:

the-lies-of-locke-lamora-US
Title: The Lies of Locke Lamora
As far as book titles go this one kicks ass. Yes this is not technically important but it deserves to be pointed out. Its immediately more interesting than the usual random word scrabble used in fantasy “sword/blood/legacy/dark…”

 

Author: Scott Lynch
Genre: Fantasy
This book really doesn’t fit into the Sword&Sorcery mold despite having both swords and sorcery . Our titular character Locke Lamora and his crew of grifters, the Gentlemen Bastards” play cons in the city of Camorr, a city that is a masterpiece of worldbuilding and a joy to read about. Which is one of the main strengths of the books as each chapter more or less introduces a new aspect of what is basically fantasy Venice on crack. The world keeps getting bigger, more colorful and more interesting with the flow of the story while the con artists balance their schemes on the city’s nobility while keeping up their masquerade as simple thieves to the city’s underworld boss Capa Barsavi.

Camorr
The setting uses leftover’s from a magical “Eldren” civilization and alchemy to create otherwise impossible situations and set pieces to great effect, allowing it to have unique technologies  and set pieces without having to make magic mundane. Camorr seems as beautiful as it is deadly. And it is really deadly. If you think main character’s die quickly in Game of Thrones you are in for a surprise. But unlike that this story doesn’t seem to delight in sadistic pleasure at it. Its just all part of the high speed high risk flair.
Chapters jump between the current story and flashbacks to the group’s childhood and their training underFather Chains, a priest of the Crooked Warden, the  unknown 13th god of the setting’s pantheon of gods. Usualy each flashback is used to show both character building and to introduce a piece of the setting that wil then be important to the story in the next chapter. And there are a lot of those, The Lies of Locke Lamora is fast, almost unbelievably so compared to books in fantasy settings. It feels like a whirlwind jumping from rooftop chases to elaborate masquerades played at balls of the nobility to gladiator fights against sea monsters without ever stopping to catch its breath.
The dialogue matches the fast pace and goes from clever to straight up hilarious. Both of these things combined manage to almost completely overshadow the one main weakness of the book. The actual  main plot is neither all that interesting nor does it make too much sense of questioned hard enough. Its serviceable enough as far as fantasy goes but in a story that is usually so clever about everything it does it really rubs me the wrong way to see a main villain who just cheats by doing everything with magic and who has a needlessly complicated plan just so he can be foiled near the end while being technicaly invincible the res tof the time. This little complication is the Grey King, a new player in Camorr’s underworld. And while neither his plan nor methods turn out that interesting that’s realy just an issue for the last chapter of the book as the rest of the time he serves mostly as engine to complicate life, force the main character’s to improvise, create even more elaboarate tricks and move at even crazier speeds. The weapon of choice for the Gentlemen Bastards are lies and while they try to keep their current plan going, not get exposed to the underworld for breaking the “secret peace” (a deal that saves the citiy’s nobility from the underworld and them from too much attention from the city watch) and take revenge on the Grey King for killing their friends they get caught up in so many layers of lies its hard to believe the whole book manages to stay on track so well and wrap everything up as neatly as it does.
Characters are refreshingly different, especially since their goals are so very unusual for the usual archetypesof fantasy settings. They aren’t warriors, they have no noble goals and swords are not the way they handle problems (although you really do not want to get close to Jean Tannen’s hatchets if you force them into fighting). At the same time its just pleasantly adult how “not cartoonishly heroic” does not have to mean evil. The Gentlemen Bastards aren’t the good guys, but they aren’t shitty either. If they have their way they won’t kill anyone, they won’t steal from anyone who can’t afford it and they’ll even help out a fellow thief if the opportunity arises. “Thieves prosper” is a tenant of the Crooked Warden and in the end Locke Lamora is a priest of that 13th god. The most unusual priest I read about so far to be fair. At the same time they have no illusions about changing the world so they will stand and watch while the boss of bosses of their underworld tortures a traitor to death or pretend to enjoy prisoners being eaten by some giant squid during the city’s games while moving among the nobility.

The world of the Gentlemen Bastards is harsh and they’re not there to change it. Locke Lamora himself is the most unusual hero, looking unremarkable, having no talent for fighting, armed only with dexterous fingers and a mind so devious his friends claim that one day he’ll screw up so hard the gods themselves will come down to watch the mess he made.

Locke

 

And most of the time you can believe it but sadly this is once again there it falls flat just a little bit. Like the plot itself the theme never really falls apart but it just can’t keep up with its own promises. Locke’s plots are clever but they are not so clever it blows you away, especially if you’ve seen a show like Hustle or Leverage before. Especially near the end there is a point in which he basically relies on begging the authorities to believe him to prevent a plan so screwed it seems cruel even for Camorr. And it just feels like he should have done something more clever. Granted he cheats in another spectacular lie at the same time so maybe I’m nitpicking. But in the end just like the plot, it feels like the character’s main theme turns out  weak at the stretch of the race. This seems to go hand in hand with a weirdly soft touch for the city’s nobility that gets away really well considering just how harsh just everyone else has it. Now granted that’s kind of realistic but the whole point of hustler/con-men setup usually seems to be that the people who tend to be untouchable get it for once and the story kind of misses out on that part.

 

Before I get lost in babbling I’ll just try to put some numbers and recommendation on this thing.
I’m not one of those people who doesn’t give out max scores because in theory something better could come along. If something better comes along I’ll change the scale or mention it or whatever. In this case I can’t see how those cateogies could have been better so they get what they deserve.

 

Worldbuilding: 10 of 10
Pace&Entertainment: 10 of 10
Characters: 8 of 10
Story&Plot: 5 of 10
Dialogue: 9 of 10
The overall score is not an average. Some categories can weigh heavier than others, in this case the pacing and the fact that each single chapter is an almost self contained story too makes the weak plot just that much less important than it would be in another book.

 

Overall: 9/10  This is not a videogame magazine there review scores start at 90%. A 9 is outstanding. The Lies of Lock Lamora is brilliant, fun and pretty much unique.
I would have loved to give it a ten, it is just that much fun. But there is a lack of diversity in the main characters that just makes it a bit less interesting than it could be and well a weak plot is a weak plot. Mind you a 5 is still e serviceable and coherent , we aren’t talking about Lost levels of nonsense here.