Remember my Co-Author on this Blog, the Nice Dino? Yeah, neither do I. After all its been a while, which makes even my posting habbits seem disciplined. But like Godzilla some shit is bad enough to aware this dinosaur and so we got this article over last week’s election in Germany.
Germany elected a new government a little while ago. On September the 22nd 2013, to be exact. So, let´s take a look at the outcome, shall we?
Here is the result. Of course that won´t help you much unless you know what the different parties stand for. I´ll try to explain it to the best of my abilities. I´ll go from biggest to smallest.
We are Nazis, but we are clever enough to conceal that fact.
Those are two parties rolled together. Why? The CDU (short for: Christian Democratic Union) runs for office in all of Germany except Bavaria while the CSU (translates: Christian Social Union) runs for office in Bavaria only. Just in case you don´t know; Bavaria is a state of Germany. But it has a long history predating the modern Nation of Germany and still considers itself to be somewhat special. That´s not that surprising, though. Usually many foreigners confuse Bavarian culture for German culture because their stuff is pretty iconic. Like the „Oktoberfest“, for example.
What´s to say about the CDU/CSU? Well, they are actually pretty similar to each other. They are conservative and usually govern this country. The serve the Banks and the big industry and they go all the way with that. Need some tax money because you screwed up? Well, take as much as you like. Don´t worry. We can always milk the common people for more.
Their counterpart from the United States of America would be the Republicans.
Angela Merkel, the leader of the CDU and Chancellor of Germany. This is what we voted for, folks. Why? Because we suck. That´s why.
Once we were a pro laborer and pro worker unions party. Unfortunately we forgot about that along the way.
The SPD (short for: Social democratic Party of Germany) always was the opposing force to the CDU/CSU. Unfortunately the came to power at some point, liked it way to much and decided they now want to be just like them. That is really a shame, though. These guys used to be the alright. More than just alright, actually. The SPD was the only party to vote AGAINST World War I. They also put great effort into restoring the broken relationship to our neighboring countries after World War II had ended. Still, at the moment they are in a crisis. The managed to alienate their base of supporters and most of the respect people had for them is simply lost by now.
We are communists!
The Linke (Left) is partly a heritage from the time when Germany was divided during the era of the Cold War. There is a lot of Eastern Germany/Soviet Union stuff in there. Yeah, real communists. And I am not making this up. I used to be against these guys very much. Communism wasn´t that great of an idea, after all. The results were way to similar to the Third Reich, in fact. But at the moment social injustice is that big in Germany, that we actually might end up needing these guy. As sad as it is.
We hug trees!
The Grüne (Greens) are the youngest party among the major players. They are, in essence, an environmental protection party. Pretty cool, right? Well, they used to be in the beginning but just like the SPD they lost much of their charm and credibility along the way. That´s not their only problem, though. They used to fight for the common man as well. You know, welfare and such. All the good stuff. But they are either not very good at it or just not that interested in it any more.
These are all the parties that will appear in our parliament, the “Bundestag”. Some of them will form the actual government, some will oppose it. Who will be doing what is not clear at this point. But wait? What about the rest? No, I did not forget them. Here, a special law comes into play. The so-called “Fuenf-Prozent-Huerde” (translates to: five-percent-barrier). Parties that fail to get at least five percent of the votes are not allowed to partake in parliament. This is to ensure that the parliament is not flooded with little parties which are unable to find common ground and thus make it impossible to establish a functional government. This was a big problem during the “Weimarer Republik”, the democratic Germany in between World War I and II, which was partially responsible for their downfall and thus made the rise of National-socialism, better known as the NAZIS, possible.
I am still gonna say something about the small fry, because they picture you would be getting would be way to incomplete if I did not.
We are conservatives, yet still somewhat clever/liberal.
Welcome to the losers. The FDP (short for: Free Democratic Party) is new NOT to make the five-percent-barrier. The dropped by almost 10% and are therefore the big losers of this election. The usually made it in, barely sometimes but they managed to do so for as long as I can remember, allied themselves with the CDU/CSU (the biggest one at the beginning of this text) and thus managed to play a major role in german politics over the years. They used to tone the CDU´s conservatives down a bit, but asides from that they turned pretty faceless over the years. Even more so than all the rest of them. While not necessarily against the FDP I still think it was about time they got kicked out. It just seems unjustifiable for a party that small to play a role that important.
We hate the Euro!
The AfD (short for: Alternative for Germany) is the youngest, noteworthy party in Germany. It is, essentially, an Anti-Euro-Movement. These guys want to replace the common currency of the euro zone by national currencies or smaller euro zones including only countries that are economically stable. The founding of this party is a result of the massive financial crisis which occurred over the last couple of years. It reflects the reluctance of the people to use tax money to support bankers who deserve to be fired instead. Sadly, the AfD did not make it in. Too bad. This would have been a real lesson for the conservative CDU/CSU.
We love the internet!
Unfortunately the Piraten (translates to… well… Pirates) did not make it either. The Piraten are pretty new as well. They are a civil rights movement, which wants to keep the internet free. The are a counter movement to the increasing surveillance madness following the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center in 2001. I am proud to say that I am a Pirate. I am a member of this party because, in my opinion, freedom can only be preserved by freedom of information. Besides, being a pirate is just cool. Just ask Once Piece cosplayers. Yeah, we didn´t make it in. Again. But we´ll keep on trying.
We are Nazis and not even smart enough to conceal that fact.
The NPD (short for: National democratic party of Germany) did not make it as well. Can´t say that I am too sad about that. Actually they did not even make it into this graph. That´s how small they are. They are somewhere in the last category labeled “Andere”, which means something like; others or all the rest. The NPD is what is left of the Third Reich. If you ever have the unlikely problem of thinking that there is still hope for humanity, consider this: There are still people in Germany who are officially Nazis as well as people who vote for them.
What is wrong with this picture?
If you are a thoughtful observer you may have figured it out already. Despite the fact that the conservative CDU/CSU got the biggest junk of the votes, the remaining three liberals are stronger, if you add their percentages together. Theoretically they could ally themselves with one another and run the country together. This is exactly what the people want. But this is not going to happen. Why? Because the SPD won´t align themselves with the communists (Linke). They stated that before elections took place. But that is just plain stupid since now there is no way the will of the people can be carried out. Yes, they would ally themselves with the environmentalists (Gruene). They do that all the time. But in this scenario this is not enough.
What is going to happen instead? Exactly what the majority of the Germans do not want to happen. The CDU/CSU will be the government. They can´t ally themselves with the FDP any longer, since this party did not make it in this time. Therefore it has to be one of the others. But which one? The environmentalists (Gruene)? Unlikely. The communists (Linke)? Very unlikely. So, only the SPD remains. This is the most likely outcome of this scenario as well as the reason why the SPD sucks so much nowadays. Instead of resisting them they are willingly joining the conservatives. That is exactly the reason they bleed supporters a trend that will hopefully continue.
So, in essence, Germany voted for a liberal government and gets a conservative one instead. This is Democracy in Germany. Disappointed? But just you wait. There still is more. Remember the five-percent-barrier? Guess what this barrier is holding suppressed? Yes, you are right. Mostly liberals. More “will of the people”. Now, this is what I call depressing. But, to be completely honest with you, that´s also the people´s fault. And this is where I really get angry.
Of course I am a bit disappointed that the Pirates (Piraten) did not make it. That would have been a major pain for the conservatives. But honestly, I wasn´t really surprised by that all that much. I mean, we call ourselves Pirates (Piraten). Of course all the Germans are afraid of that cool of a name. And Freedom of information? Most elderly people don´t even know what the internet is and have no idea of how it works.
So, why I am complaining? Honestly? Because the AfD did not make it in. I have heard people complain about the Euro since it was introduced. I am totally serious. People bitched and moaned about it like forever and this is still going on. Of course there never was such a thing as an Anti-Euro-Party. Till now. Now there is one and it doesn´t make it past the five-percent-barrier. Fuck you, Germans. You are nothing but a bunch of sheep. Grow some balls and get your shit together. Stop being conservative, hypocritical, cowardly dickheads and finally start to vote for what you want. Not what you think others would like you to want, nor try to vote tactically. If you do the later you have lost even before participating in the election process. That´s not the way it works. It´s not about joining the flock. It´s not about voting for the biggest party there is. You have not won if you vote for the actual winner. You can only win by voting for the party you want to run this country. That is the only way.
Now, what conclusion can we draw? Democracy in Germany just doesn´t work. It doesn´t. End of story. And this is not due to the effort of conservative government forces alone. This is a freaking team effort. Conservative Parties and the people of this country hand in hand. United against the very idea of democracy and freedom. This is truly awful. Welcome to Germany.