The thing about quotes on the internet

15 01 2016

“Any jackass can attribute any quote to you on the Internet.”

Patrick Steward

Dude, harsh. I realy thought that guy was more sensitive. I mean I guess he does have a point, but the tone man the tone. Just like my man Rob Ford once said:

“While the truth is a light worth shining one should always be careful not to use it to shine on other’s emotional scars.”

He’s such an inspiration. Unlike you Marx, you foul mouthed prick!

Internet quotes

 

Anyway my point is that not every quote attributed to a famous person is actualy correct. Even if they are photoshoped beside a picture of said person. I mean not this one obviously, that’s just historical fact. Even if its harsh language. But hey you know the old saying.

“Anything is a dildo if you’re brave enough.”

Abraham Lincoln

So don’t believe every meme you see. Unless its about dildos obviously.

Didnt say that

That’s all for today kids. Remember:

“Don’t shoot the messenger.”

Kevin Costner, in Postman





Rob Ford is proud of himself and you should be too!

8 01 2016

The man, the legend, the icon is back! Well technicay he was never gone but I don’t see local Canadian news a lot. Anyway, my man Rob Ford is talking again, specifcialy he’s saying that he doesn’t realy know if he took crack or not. Which is totaly fair,  if you take so much weird shit its hard to know what exactly you’re high from. And anyway it shouldn’t matter because he has been clean for two years which realy is longer than can expect considering that he’s only been in a public office for 15.

I mean technicaly its hard to know, if he wasn’t sure if the stuff he took was crack then it might be a bit hard to know if he’s clean since he wouldn’t exactly know if he used crack again. I mean how would he? I don’t even know how exactly you take crack. Do you smoke it? Snort it of a hooker? If so, is it the only thing you snort of a hooker? How can the poor guy tell. And if you do know how it is taken maybe that’s saying more bad things about you than about Rob Ford. You should take a long hard look at your life.

What truly counts is that Rob Ford is proud of himself. That means he just got praise from Rob Ford, so who are you to critisize him? Did Rob Ford endorse your lifestyle? Yeah I didn’t think so. If Ford is proud of himself then you should be too! No, not proud of yourself, proud of him obviously.

FGB5808142690

Your probably just angry you din’t get a Rob Ford wobbly head, that’s why!





Star Wars Ep7 Spoiler free review

17 12 2015

Seriously. Spoiler free. Unless you never saw a trailer and don’t know that Star Wars has lightsabers and such in it in which case it’ll blow your fucking mind.

It is good.

Alright alright I’ll do some more but its not easy. There is no stupid huge plot twist. There just isn’t. Which is good in case you were wondering. The story feels like the old movies. The effects feel like the old movies. The new actors fit right in with the old ones. Its like it just went on without Episodes 1 to 3 ever existing. Like the originals just bigger. And not even in the “we have to try so hard to make it seem bigger” way so many new movies have to work. It starts relatively modest. No huge fleet battles or anything like that. But man those crashed old Imperial war machines on a planet realy show just how gigantic that stuff was supposed to be. So let’s just do this with some bulletpoints for a quick overview:

  • Old actors are great, pull their weight and do not steal the spotlight
  • New cast is fantastic.
  • New villain organization is great. Like the Empire on crack.
  • The new Vader standin main badguy is shit. I mean realy shit. He is so bad he makes emo Anakin seem genuinely good. That he doesn’t manage to ruin the movie is not thanks to him but only because the rest is so solid. You thought the crossguard lightsaber was stupid? Believe me, that is NOT his problem.
  • Attention to detail is amazing, little jokes that are actualy funny and not too forced all over the place. Colorful aliens, silly droids, the whole package.
  • This is sort of covered by the above but nothing looks like shitty CGI. This movie looks so real its almost painful.

crashed.jpg

I’m putting this at the end since I don’t want it to overshadow the movie itself but its huge. This movie is the single most equal opportunity main holliwood blockbuster that exists. Neanderthals who believe “social justice warriors” are a real thing will lose their shit over this. Some little girls who like Star Wars will be thrileld beyond words. Marvel Studios looks like they got caught with their pants down for their white boys club of main characters. I’ll put most of this in a seperate entry to not make it seem like the movie is about that. Which is the truly special thing. Its not. It does not make a big deal about any of it. A long time ago in a galaxy far far away people of any race or gender can be in any role and its not big deal to anyone.





Star Trek: Beyond the curse of Abrams

15 12 2015

I’m pretty sure that was the original title of this before some dipshit in marketing shortened it until it was too generic to actualy include the message.

Already seeing the complaints about this trailer and it seems to be the usual “oh no its an action movie now” noise it was the last few times. Which always seems to forget that Star Trek movies have been action movies since the 90s now. With the last two being less movies than random collecitons of explosions and people jumping arround for no good reason. Which is fine but don’t bloody blame it on “that guy who made Fast and the Furious”, just look back at the last two. Or rather just think back. Don’t look at them again, they were shit.

Now sit back children and relax and let me tell you a few things about Fast and the Furious and thus Justin Lin you might not know from your judgemental looks at the trailers. Yes that franchise is all the nonsense you’d expect. But its also a franchise somehow build on the most unlikely original trio of garbage car chase movies imaginable and it does this by being utterly sincere about its message of a “family” of people from all over the world being unbeatable because they’re the best buddies (also being able to drive cars realy well appearantly gives you superpowers in that universe but that’s just what it is) and stick together through any shit the world throws at them. The F&F team is made of all genders, is at best 25% white and EVERYONE kicks ass. Yes the focus is two guys being bffs but everyone else gets their spotlight, everyone matters. Most scenes actualy manage to incoperate the whole team and in an age there the Avengers still get to be a white boy’s club this is sadly still a major exception.

FF

It also doesn’t hurt that they actualy have more coherency with their past events than most other franchises. Now in part that is because their story is so thin its hard to fuck it up but there is something to be said about knowing what you do and being good at it.

Anyway, can we think of another franchise that lives of two bros in the spotlight and a crew of supremely skilled experts of all races and genders who have become not just friends but a family? Perhaps with the whacky premise of all of them trekking across the stars?

Well no not realy, because the last two Star Trek movies were Kirk and Spock movies with a background cast that didn’t matter shit. But you people have no idea how bloody lucky you are. No, this new movie will not save you from the new Star Trek action movies. That’s what big blockbusters are. Deal with it, or leave it be, but don’t blame it on this new one. What you might actualy get however is a movie about the (named) crew of the Enterprise. About a iconic characters being badass, working as a team and as friends and winning the day by being fucking awesome and working together. With everyone doing their part, and their expertise actualy being important.

Take another look at the trailer. The first thing it does is get rid of the chaf (read: unnamed crew). I’m not seeing a good end for all those namles shirts of all colors to be honest.. . So that leaves us with the original old crew so get it done. If anything I wish this trailer would look more like Fast and the Furious because then it wouldn’t be all bloody teal and cyan and maybe the actors woud look like actual people but I guess we aren’t gonna get rid of the visual style of this reboot.

So take it easy, stop screaming “stupid car movie” every time you see something with wheels in a new trailer (its not like the first reboot didn’t start with a car scene..) and enjoy the fact you finaly get a movie that is not just made of lense flares and a shacky cam. Seriously, look at this thing. Shot crip and clear, you’d almost think it was made by someone who knows how to shoot an action scene. Good cinematography makes the panda happy.

Fuck that soundtrack though, we realy did not need a callback to first of those movies just yet and its just too bloody generic. And fuck teal and orange while we’re at it. The second needs to be a chant at opening nights for every movie from now on.





Did everyone forget that Marvel’s “Civil War” was complete shit?

25 11 2015

I continue to be awed how Marvel receives praise for everything they do but this here almost takes the cake. The internet is having a collective orgasm over the new Captain America trailer. Oh my god they are doing the Civil War story! Cap and Tony will fight!

Yes, great as if they ever needed to come up with an extra special reason to have heroes fight. but Civil War? Did we collectively forget that everyone hated Civil War? It was the story that was so bad they had to follow it up with a story that claimed half of their characters had in fact been Skrull for years just to salvage those characters from being ruined by Civil War. Which was then followed by Dark Reign which was just torture atonement porn for the rest and most of all Iron Man who had been so utterly broken by Civil War that before his movies the character was basicaly worthless.

How bad was Civil War? It was so bad that for a while we used to call Marvel the new Games Workshop as masters of stupid grimdark stories. Civil War wasn’t just shit. Civil war was the sort of shit that leaves stains that take years to clean out. It took two mega crossover events and one universaly hated super reboot just to fix what Civil War had done. Yes, One More Day was also caused by Civil War, that’s how bad it was. So bad they needed the Devil to make their world universaly forget the events.

mephisto

We only wish this line was put in with photoshop

So how anyone can cheer that they decided to use this storyline is utterly beyond me.





“Would you travel back in time to kill baby X” the TV Series!

22 11 2015

The year is 2083AD, a single question is written with charcoal on a wall in a ransacked, empty American city: “Would you kill baby Trump?”

babytrump

 





Gods of Egypt

18 11 2015

Well this looks like my kind of silly but this casting is not just a bit too white. Its realy realy painfully white. If I wanted to make a carricature of unfititng white castings this is what it would look like.

Wait I’m confused now I thought the gods of Egypt are Slifer the sky dragon, Obelisk the Tormentor, and the Winged Dragon of Ra?!

Egyptian-Gods-yu-gi-oh-25008438-573-430








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